Feeling Sad

A few months ago my sweet sister told me of her medical diagnosis that tore at my heart-strings. Just hearing the word Cancer is frightening unto itself but having a family member with it is devastating for all.  I waited until she finished her chemo and radiation treatments with the hope the tumor would shrink.  If it did, they would wait two or so months (recheck with an MRI) and then be able to remove it surgically.  And so in early August I flew up to see her and to celebrate her upcoming birthday. Gloria was so happy and appreciative of my visit and I in turn admired her courage and positive attitude.  I made sure to tell her I sure didn’t think I would be handling it as well if it were happening to me. What I have learned is that when I hear bad news, my mind goes into a freeze mode and will sometimes take me days to sort through what I heard and then react.  There are times I just sit and cry over what has happened but I can never do that when I first hear it.  And so last week Gloria had her MRI to check if the tumor had shrunk and then have her appointment this week with her Surgeon for the outcome.  I waited for her call and last evening she told me that the tumor did not shrink enough to allow surgery. Her options were to leave it alone and do nothing and then re-check it in a few months or have a colostomy performed in a few weeks.  She went on to tell me that she has decided to go with this option and that she asked the doctor, if she could pick the color of the bag. The doctor told her that with her sense of humor, she will have a good outcome.

As for me Gloria I wish I could hug you, as my eyes fill with tears.  I just love your awesome attitude and how you are handling it all is so admirable.  You are very courageous and brave and I wish you only the best of outcomes.

Your four wonderful children will be by your side along with Tommy my sweet brother-in-law to get you through the rough patches.  And you most definitely have my love and prayers every step of the way along with my families best wishes.  I am excited to say that I just found some neat waist tie pajamas with neat tops for you to wear after your procedure and they just happen to come in your favorite colors that I hope will brighten your day when you receive them.

I love you Sis!

I Wonder

Maybe it has to do with aging that I have these thoughts of what will people say when I am gone?  I don’t want to sound morbid or foreboding.  I just wonder!

Will I leave a good impression and will they say I loved people (as I do) was I kind (most of the time) and loved sharing stories (usually all mine). Did I offer my shoulder to cry on (or was I the leaner)?  These are some of the things I randomly think about.

For years I have written countless pages of how I feel about so and so and things that I liked and disliked, all with the plan to write a book, but always stop and then get writers block. Then, I start again but never at the beginning as I don’t know much about that part.   There are  far too many unanswered questions with no one to answer and the ones that might have had the answer, they are dead.  Each time, I try to piece fragments of memories together just like a puzzle board and always with the hope I will jive some family member’s memories.  Their memories would fill in some of the missing data.  How nice that would be!.

Does anyone else wonder like “I do?”

Current Mood:rolleyes emoticon rolleyes